I started writing this thinking I would apologize for not sending 4 weeks of grief support emails by touting the Power of a Pause. That was until I realized that I haven’t had a pause.
Since June 26, this is the first time I have been able to write and send the grief support emails that, I hope, help you manage things while grief is your companion. We lost Daddy in 2021 and I’m still as sad today as I was when it happened. The only difference is that I manage it better.
Remembering how poorly I felt then is a reminder of how important Yoga and other mindfulness tools truly are to my well being.
Using breath awareness to regulate emotions and reactions and feeling works if your remember to use them. I have become aware of when I am practicing mindfulness and when I am unable or unsure to see if I have the capacity. Sometimes it feels easier to stay stuck in grief and just be.
And that’s a good place to be sometimes. That may mean surrendering to that wave of grief again. Or just staying in bed on a Saturday. Even spending an entire day doing absolutely nothing.
Here is where compassionate self forgiveness is a useful concept. So what if I missed 4 weeks of sending an email? When if someone was depending on receiving it? I know from my Trauma Informed Yoga and Mindful Resilience continuing education that providing a consistence experience and doing as promised is paramount.
So what was I doing? Probably nothing more than you were doing, or have done, or will do. For example: Family crisis. International travel triggered by aforementioned crisis. Additional international travel necessitated by that same crisis. A conference in a foreign country where my participation was required. More unexpected surgery. And then there are all the other things that are too personal to hear or say, write and/or think about it seems.
I had adventures but no real rest. I fulfilled one commitment but not another. I gave and received in return and gave more. I think somedays passed in a blur while others dragged on painfully.
I have been consistent, for the most part. I hang on to Yoga with both hands as if descending down a cliff. I fill my gratitude journal with daily statements of thanks. I teach Yoga, I take Yoga classes, I’m obsessed with the Power of Yoga. It is during the still and quiet parts of a Yoga practice that I can find a pause. I can actually pull out my inner resource and time and space travel.
Maybe I have learned that my in the moment moments may be all I have and that I should either live those moments well or reconsider the whole thing.
